Looks like pineapple chunks, smells like Monkey Farts - a match made in heaven or hell?

Looks like pineapple chunks, smells like Monkey Farts - a match made in heaven or hell?

This Vampire Dog trailer (which is apparently a real movie) makes me want to chew my own veins and pine for Edward to get his sparkly vampire juice on me. To quote the trailer back to itself, “epic fail, bro.”

Yup - that’s a tailgate-mounted stripper pole. The future is now.

Yup - that’s a tailgate-mounted stripper pole. The future is now.

Apple Genius he ain’t - would-be thief rams his BMW into an Apple store, gets stuck, then gets caught.

(Thanks for the link, Bitta)

Privet school? Like a school for shrubs? Also yeah - being called “rich” vs having to wear a school uniform is Sophie’s Choice. How did you end up with such a shitty life?

Privet school? Like a school for shrubs? Also yeah - being called “rich” vs having to wear a school uniform is Sophie’s Choice. How did you end up with such a shitty life?

How Eating Tacos Turns into Brain Worms

You grab drunk grub at a taco truck with your friend. He orders the nasty carnitas, which unfortunately happen to contain pork tapeworm larvae that soon take up residence in his intestine. At least one of these larvae has a good chance of growing into a horrifying 20-foot tapeworm monster. This tapeworm produces eggs, thousands of which pass through the host’s anus every day.

Your buddy doesn’t wash his hands after defecating, and the next time you see him, he facepalms you, as bros sometimes do, and in the process touches your lips. The eggs, which are much smaller than larvae, enter your mouth, hatch, and the baby tapeworms eventually make their way to your brain.

Congratulations! You’ve contracted brain parasites.

thesochillnetwork:

Mike was always a hit at parties

He could be tough to find when you were drinking, and he was always so sensitive when you did…

thesochillnetwork:

Mike was always a hit at parties

He could be tough to find when you were drinking, and he was always so sensitive when you did…

Just yesterday I was thinking “hey I wish someone in the 70s had turned my astrological sign into a terrible song.” Oh, no wait…no I wasn’t. Hit Everything is Terrible for a song about every sign except that new one they just made up.

Millie probably isn’t related to Michael, but I’m pretty sure she did for album covers what he did for weekends at the Neverland Ranch.

Millie probably isn’t related to Michael, but I’m pretty sure she did for album covers what he did for weekends at the Neverland Ranch.

If your plan was to be awesome, you failed. If your plan was to snap-kick a girl in the face and make it look like an accident, you won.

If your plan was to be awesome, you failed. If your plan was to snap-kick a girl in the face and make it look like an accident, you won.

(via 4gifs)